Comments on: Rewriting history

By: giannakali

giannakali — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 08:11:52 +0000

thank you jaaz for sharing your painful story…
It’s very instructive however and I’m very glad you bravely chose to tell us how very dangerous rapid or cold-turkey withdrawal can be.

I wish you the best with your future.

By: jaaz

jaaz — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 03:21:25 +0000

I have been on seroquez, clolazapem, and zoloff. I have been under pys. care for 4 years and taking these medicines. Instead of addressing my issues i have been so medicated that it’s like i have been asleep for the last few years. I think i misplaced or threw away my pills 21/2 weeks before my next prescrip. appointment with the psyc. I tried to get them refilled but no, it was not my time so i had to wait. I ended up in the hospital from withdrawals , i was so dehydrated they couldn’t get a temp. or blood. My body convulsed as if it had a mind of its own. my body hurt so bad i thought i was dying, i was numb all over. i felt like my throat was closing up and knew if i didn’t get to the hopital this might be my last day. I thought i had a virus, i never dreamed i was in withdrawal. Can’t wait to see the psyc. and give him a piece of mind for dropping the ball on me. Now that i see how dangerous these drugs are i want to be drug free. I am out of the hospital today feeling much better as they hydrated me, gave me shot for the shakes. So these pyschotic drugs are not to be played with. I have decided to be proactive and change my diet, get more exercise and take care of myself without the drugs. youve heard the book change your brain change your life. The first thing is to get off all of this “legal” medication that has almost driven me crazy and took four years of my life and almost killed me from dehydration. The emergency room doctor said never go cold turkey from these drugs, it could get serious and it did. but i have no control over the prescriptions and insurance and when they will pay ect. NEVER EVER DO I WANT TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN. Anybody who wants to get off all of these meds, please let your doctor put you on some kind of tapering off system or something…….thanks for reading, jaaz

By: Darksbane

Darksbane — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:52:57 +0000

Wow! Congrats! and welcome back:)

By: giannakali

giannakali — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:23:12 +0000

Glimpse,
I did have a traumatic childhood and I imagine that played a part in my history. I don’t talk too much about my childhood abuse because I have very little memory of it. It was constant though—a bad toxic environment that I grew up in.

I address these issues by dealing with my current emotions and dysfunctions in meditation and therapy.

By: Glimpse Inside

Glimpse Inside — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:25:38 +0000

Wow… So many mind affecting medications can surely create a disorder on its own.

I very much agree with you that trauma can trigger depression or bipolar. Probably the vast majority of depressions and other mood disorders are a result of trauma. The challenge, though, I think is navigating trought the emotional labyrinth, finding the clues and “fixing” them. Sometimes the trauma may be so early in life, that it may be impossible to conciously remember it, eventhough the emotional impact may be sticking with you day by day. Or it maybe not be a single traumatic event, but a combination of many events. It is interesting that your “condition” started as if from nothing, that is not as a response to a stressful event at that time, or thats at least how I understood it. My problem also started out of nothing, instantly, when I was about 17 years old. Maybe as some kind of delayed action bomb, or something similar, but it still remains a mystery; and no matter how hard I try to recall what I have been thinking off at that time, I can not remember it.

Good luck with your journey, and I hope you can come out of your troubling condition soon!

By: giannakali

giannakali — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:46:02 +0000

Anais,
Nice to have you here. Whatever you do—don’t do anything precipitously. I’ve been withdrawing for 4 years. Granted, hopefully at age 20, you’re not on the cocktail I was on that is taking me so long. But you still need to carefully educate yourself on alternatives and how to safely make any potentially life changing situations. You mind/body/spirit still need support—just in different ways, hopefully.

By: sciencevsromance

sciencevsromance — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:36:57 +0000

Gianna,

I came across your blog while I was searching for information about psychiatric drug withdrawal and boy, am I glad I did. I’ve read a bunch of your entries and I can relate to a lot of what you talk about, especially in this entry, the weight gain, being diagnosed as bipolar after a drug induced mania, and just the horrible feeling of feeling drugged and sluggish. I was “diagnosed” last year as a 20 year old college student and drugs have just slowed down my life and made me unable to think or function in an intellectual manner. As of a few days ago, I realized that I didn’t want to feel dependent on drugs anymore as they are running my life. Thank you for giving me hope that it can be done and life can go well. Much thanks for a new avid reader.

-Anaïs

By: Marion Hubbard

Marion Hubbard — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:38:14 +0000

You have gained in compassionate wisdom… you have a lot to teach.

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:38:30 +0000

Thank God for your words.

By: duanesherry

duanesherry — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 07:20:29 +0000

Re-writing history -

You’re right where you need to be -
You’re on your way to getting this thing done -
You’re on your way to moving past, moving beyond - going to another level -

I can feel it -

You go Gianna!!!

Your friend in Dallas,
Duane

By: Amisha Patel

Amisha Patel — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 14:15:48 +0000

Reading your posts is truly a blessing, thank you for sharing and passing along the motivation.

I wish you all the best, and I imagine one day when I will hear from you, as you are completely passed all of this, and have moved on to only providing the support that others need for getting past all of this also.

love,
Amisha

By: Didi

Didi — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:35:37 +0000

Gianna:
I read your post on the benzo site and often visit your blog. This is my first comment. I think you are a terrific person. I love reading about your journey of reclaiming yourself and your life. I am cheering for you all the way to the finish line. Good luck in California. Be careful not to expect too much from this MD. There is no one answer. It’s a process and each step brings you closer to your ultimate destination. Keep the faith in your- self.That’s where all the answers lie. Best of luck. Didi

By: Beth

Beth — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 15:57:21 +0000

I can identify strongly with your experience with your family - mine is similar and so are my reactions. I cant blame someone for human frailty, anymore than I would like someone blaming me for mine.

Some years ago I had an experience with labeling. I was talking to another person with a diagnosis when I defined myself with my current label “bipolar.” This was before I became aware of the hazards of the mental health and psychiatric system. She was very concerned about how I identified myself so closely with my diagnosis, as if it did define me.

I began to think about the meaning of a diagnosis after that, and ever since. And I realized it is not what defines me, I am what defines me. I applaud you Gianna. It is what we believe and how we live and what we try to accomplish in our lives that makes us who we are - not the label someone gives us who sees us once every six weeks for fifteen minutes.

I remember getting upset when I was given yet another diagnosis, when another person said to me - “its just another term, nothing has really changed.” That made it more concrete for me.

And I can speak from experience, withdrawing from these drugs is a fulltime commitment, and requires dedication to what you are trying to accomplish. To me we are all martyrs.

By: giannakali

giannakali — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 11:25:49 +0000

Hi,
thank you everyone! that was a cleansing post for me and I was so happy with all your comments.

I’m stuck in Atlanta on the way to SF. SF had major torrential rain and wind and a lot of flights couldn’t get in.

My online time will be spotty for the next few weeks. Although I’m not really sure how much access I’ll have.

By: Denise

Denise — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 02:56:20 +0000

a poem for you!

Butterfly

On these fragile wings
I flutter through the world.
With thoughts of beauty and grandeur
I set about this journey.
Finding my way through the weeds,
Desperate to overcome this antagonistic wind.
Determined to persevere
Through this harsh migration.

By Brandy Wehnes

By: Jayme

Jayme — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:08:25 +0000

Very well said Gianna. I am so proud of you!

By: Philip Dawdy

Philip Dawdy — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:50:46 +0000

awesome. welcome to the club!

By: Judy

Judy — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:49:51 +0000

What a wonderful post to read and reflect upon! I have been in recovery for the past 20 years. First, from alcohol dependency, combined with recovery of my sense of self, my self-esteem if you will.
I have been labeled as “depressive” in my history.
But the longer I am in “recovery,” I’ve learned to accept that depression is just a part of who I am, it is NOT who I am.
My recovery involves going back and challenging all of those “core beliefs” that were foisted upon me by the “Gods” (parents, older siblings and any adult in a position of authority such as educators, religious instructors, etc.) of my childhood.
As a child I was powerless. As an adult I am not powerless over what I choose to believe about myself. That little girl is still inside of me, the little girl who was told to be “seen but not heard”. The little girl who at one point chose to become invisible and silent, fearing retribution from others. The little girl chooses to be seen and heard these days. Some folks do not like my “voice,” imagine that!
Good luck, my friend. You continue to be an inspiration!

By: Stephany

Stephany — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:18:20 +0000

I haven’t noted it myself, just quietly removed the word bipolar from the title of my blog this week myself. Good luck on the journey, I know you have already succeeded.

By: Ametyst

Ametyst — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 14:54:03 +0000

Thanks for your post. It was very honest. I have retyped this comment a few times now so this is my final attempt.

Psychiatric Survivors can all feel how they are caught up in a web. We are given a diagnosis and medication and that basically is what is offered to us from the services. We also have to live through the stigma of being psychiatrically sick. The general public does not understand, due to lack of education. Psychiatric illness is pushed under the carpet - not spoken about. The public will remember the movies where they have seen ECT in action as horror movies.

A shake up is needed. For the patient to have a choice, for doctors to present the alternative side to treatment. For drugs to be limited and not given so freely. Respite units to help in withdrawing from medication is needed.

There is too much money involved in the drug industry.