I was in AA or a good while and still could not feel much of a contact with a higher power, even though I was going to meetings, doing service work, reading, and helping others. However, as soon as I got off the last of my medication, I started to feel a closeness with a power greater than myself. No matter how hard I tried, nothing worked until I was off of all drugs.

I’m probably super sensitive. Yet that can be a great strength. I have done a lot of volunteer work, helping people in the conmunity. The main reason I make this effort is that I feel for people with problems. That is I’m sensitive to the suffering of others. I’ve done well in my field of study–science–because I’m sensitive to details that others fail to observe.

Jim S

I really loved this post and felt myself resonating strongly with almost all of it.

I don’t seem to have a lot of energy lately for writing or articulating my thoughts much, which is a little frustrating, b/c your post triggered so many feelings, so many that it’s overwhelming for me to try and respond…where do I start? I don’t know.

I’ve come so far on my withdrawal journey. I have to remind myself of that when I feel there’s still so much further to go. I know it will take me a long time to get off of the prozac I am on. But I’m on just 5 mgs a day–that’s amazing–I should really pat myself on the back for that.

I don’t deal with physical symptoms much at all anymore at this low dose (although when I do a reduction, I know I’ll feel tired and achey)…mostly what I deal with now is dealing with my original state–the state that led me to medicate to begin with. Being really sensitive–what others call “over sensitive”…getting my feelings hurt easily, being paranoid that people are talking about me, that people don’t like me..all these anxieties take so much of my energy, that sometimes I have to admit I think “Maybe this whole thing is crazy…I mean just take the pills, they make it so much easier!”. But I know at this point, there’s a price to pay, and I’m no longer willing to pay it. I feel the drugs take away a big part of my spirituality and soul–and I want to know this part–deeply and passionately–including the searing pain–before I die. I mean what else is there? I think that self-hatred and the social anxiety that produces is my main issue. Knowing that helps. I have tools now that I didn’t in my early 20’s when I began taking drugs to ease the self hating tortures my mind would inflict on me. Meditation is so key. It’s made more of a difference than anything. I had a major turning point when I realized I wasn’t my thoughts. This is just static on the radio. It’s not me. Once I really saw that, I couldn’t go back.

So now I’m back to square one…dealing with me, and all that tortuous stuff, without the thicker skin that the drugs give. It’s hard. But it feels familiar…like I’m back to that younger self that just needed some love, acceptance and guidance (not drugs)…and I’m going to give it to her.

I definitely think love and acceptance can help heal ourselves and then we in turn become healers for others. And I think you are meant to be a healer, Gianna, and that your posts, whether happy or sad, victorious or despairing, are very healing for us all to read. Thanks.

What is a healthy relationship with the future?

Fear is the way we lure future pain into the present.

Hope is the way we draw future happiness into the present.

But in either case we are straining to fix the future and give it a shape that in reality has yet to form.

The middle way is faith – the willingness to try.

That means we don’t have to meet the future until it has started to unfold in the present.

It means the future is a culture out of which things grow rather than a darkness in which things lurk.

When the future no longer looks threatening we can welcome its arrival instead of trying to hunt it down.

I was particularly moved by your reference to mindfulness. I found as a lot of my symptoms cleared I was drawn to being Awake, instead of the many varieties of Escape. I still feel physical pain to be a challenge to sit with, though this morning I could briefly send some intense love to my impending migraine (have done little but hate them bitterly for years). I think it helped (but so did grapefruit seed extract, Zyflamend, digestive enzyme, Magnesium taurate and B6). Nutrients for body combined with nutrients for soul.

Warmly,
Sue Westwind

I’m dumbfounded on why the term ‘hypocrite’ comes up in this post –

Go to Susan Bernard’s site, and read the post on ‘Courage’.

This is what I read in this post – I see a very courageous person – not a ‘hyprocrite’.

Don’t meant to be too hard on you here Gianna – but, you should remove this word from your vocabulary….You simply are not a hypocrite.

Sue me.

Duane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwbmJjjJRko

via SFjane’s lotus sutra link.

After getting off most of my medication, I only feel depression (and these days, it’s one episode a year although I’m hoping to end it entirely), irritability and anger (far less than before), and hypomania (far less than before).

I do a series of wellness activities to stave off each or lessen their impact. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. In terms of depression, I realize that sometimes there is a reason for a depressive episode. It’s telling me that I’m moving off track and need to reevaluate, or something or someone is making me unhappy.

Since I’ve taken away the “fear” element from the equation, if I can listen to the depression, and figure out the message, that’s another way for me to end it.

Anyway, enough about me. This is a truly thought-provoking post. I visited Jayme’s site and read her post. It, too, is highly thought-provoking and well worth reading. I’ve ordered one of Cheri Huber’s books and look forward to reading it.

I believe we are all onto something important that few other people are writing about. When a person feels the only path toward wellness is medication, it’s a totally powerless position to be in. Basically, it means you have no control over your life, and can’t do anything to make yourself feel better.

But some of us are taking other paths, which are highly empowering. What you’re doing is truly a major breakthrough and this is an inspirational post!

Susan