Be well, I have enormous travel anxiety myself, I can barely pack a suitcase sometimes! once I arrive to the destination i’m ok.

hugs,
Stephany

She does love me very much and I appreciate being reminded of it because sometimes, for whatever reason, the dynamic gets like it was when I was a teenager. I do think this is very common….to remember that she loves me is a very good thing to keep in mind, to avoid that sort of devolution.

I think that perhaps your relationship with your mother was unusually close.

It would be nice to achieve that with my mother…she is certainly a special woman.

Fondly,
Susan

We had a fairly nice time out. I was still in pain but not nearly as bad as yesterday….I couldn’t go out at all yesterday.

We had lunch at the health food store and then bought our groceries. I insisted on paying. She will pay for everything if I let her….

She is taking us out to dinner which I greatly appreciate as we don’t go to fancy restaurants and she is taking us to a very fancy and organic restaurant that I’ve been dying to go to….

And it makes her happy too. I can’t have her paying for all the groceries—it really feels infantalizing that she still tries to do that, but I do appreciate a fancy healthy meal out on the town!! that’s a nice treat.

It was also fun dressing her up in my clothes for the dinner…her motel is out of the way so she needed some nicer clothes….

And yeah, I can tell her I need time to write and be alone…hence here I am pre-dinner on the computer while she reads.

I hadn’t thought about going to the lobby in the hotel though and felt nervous about being in her presence 24/7. That is a really good idea and I’ll be taking advantage of any lobby space with wireless!!

thanks!

I’m making a turkey meatloaf with oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs, also, lots of basil pesto, cheese and egg all mixed in there—that should last a couple of days—maybe even three if we plan on having dinner out.

A BIG bag of snap peas–I munch on them raw.

Baby carrots

Boiled eggs.

Some fruit.

I will also bring brown rice, crackers and two varieties of goats cheese and goats milk yogurt.

I eat cold brown rice with fruit and plain yogurt for breakfast! Sounds weird but it’s yummy. I toss in some milled flax seed too.

In terms of your mother, I would agree that you should enjoy the good stuff. When I read your post the other day about how “crazy” it makes you feel when she won’t say what she likes doing, I thought, “Gianna, let it go.”

Obviously, she’s spent her entire life trying to please others –your father included. Even though she’s got a different husband, having been in an abusive first marriage must have had its effect on her as well.

And just as you are mourning the loss of your brother, she’s undoubtedly mourning that loss as well.

So…I think you should try and find the things about her that you love and treasure. And perhaps, as an exercise, see what you can let her “do for you.” It would be good for both of you.

And acknowledge to her that you need alone-time each day. Perhaps on your trip, you can explain that each day you like/need to write and that would be a good time to be alone. Can you go into the lobby of the motel or hotel to do that and leave her in the room or vice versa?

Sometimes, I think that others will honor our wishes if only we express them.

Hope you’re feeling better, and that your trip to your doctor is great!

Fondly,

Susan

I sorta wondered about the pain being worse because I was under stress too, because the last time I had a really really nasty period—much worse than this—was when my brother died.

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2007/09/13/pain-and-suffering-a-contemplative-perspective/

Maybe being stressed out makes the pain worse—it certainly stands to reason. But I always have bad periods to some degree—no escaping it…

Jazz, I wonder if having kids made your bad periods go away…some people’s endometriosis goes away when they get pregnant—if they can get pregnant.

Okay I’m off to town with my mom…I’m still in pain but not as bad and we’ve got to get food for an ice chest for the trip….don’t want to risk eating crap on the road!!

I’ll probably check in later tonight.

cheers everyone.

I was just wondering about you and your mom’s visit this morning. I was wondering how you found time to write while entertaining her.

Moms try to do what they think is best. I think that is the most important thing to remember. Gianna, I had some of your pain that you wrote about it your Motherhood Lost post, I had one child, but I was led to believe that I shouldn’t have more and I even gave up custody of my child because I believed I was defective.

So to everyone reading these comments, just remember that most moms try their very best, they are just people like you and me, and from sounds of the comments previously posted on this blog, lots of women wish they could be moms.

I used to be very, very close to my mom. But I am not as much anymore. That could be a whole story…on how my diagnosis changed the dynamics or our relationship…for the worst.

Gianna,
I also used to get a heavy and or painful period (nothing like your problem, though) whenever I visited someone “significant,” so I wonder if this could be going on with you.

Hope you get what you need out of the visit. I am glad you can get in a better place about things.