I like to examine my life and my reactions to life events. It appears that I may not like the lack of control when traveling with other people. Most adults do not like to swim or hike as much as I. I’m fearful that they will keep me from these activities. I grew up in poverity. My parents never spent any money on eating out or vacations. So, since I’m a parent, I probably think it is wrong to enjoy myself by going on a vacation or by eating out. I enjoy travel and eating out mostly when it is connected to business.

Despite my anxiety and fear, I manage to just push myself along, one step at a time. With experience, I’ve learned that I really can do what I have to do. I do not have to back down due to fear/anxiety. This was mostly taught to me in Recovery, Inc. I can’t take credit for it. Anyone who goes to Recovery, Inc. can achieve all that I have.
Jim S

I actually slept after writing the above post for a whole five hours…that was after sleeping two hours when I woke up—so I actually patched together 7 hours which was really great.

Writing this post and then doing my energy breaths and meditation really helped and I slept in until 9:30 am.

The drive today was not too bad, but I’m beat….

Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions. I took much of the advice.

I’ve packed meditation CD’s, a floor pilates DVD, my journal, my computer and a couple of books.

Brought a bathing suit too, but the pool at this hotel is indoors and I can’t handle the chlorine smell…it’s really bad. I need an outdoor pool.

Maybe tomorrow I can swim.

Pat you story of your benzo friend who was almost agoraphobic going to Las Vegas is wonderful!! I would never want to go to Las Vegas, but boy would I like to be well enough that it wouldn’t phase me!!

Great post my friend. I hope the trip is fruitful and much better than you thought. Peace….

Pat

The suggestion about meditation i like as it brings us back into the present moment. You will survive, you have already gone through nights with little sleep and have survived. Good luck, i will send good healthy thoughts of well wishing, tomorrow morning to you.

Your doctor will see how you are and I am sure will help you out on this.

From the tone of your post above, it appears to me that writing out your fears and anxieties helps you deal with them. You seem calmer and more clear by the end of the post.

Have you considered that the writing that you do when you are too overwhelmed to do anything else is also a form of meditation? Make sure you take a notebook and pen with you or a laptop with the battery charged so that if things do seem to start pressing in on you, you can take advantage of your ability to “write for your life”. Writing has pulled me through some horribly difficult things, and I think, whether you realize it or not, it is helping you, too.

The human mind is amazing in its ability to create a phobic response out of a bunch of anxieties…but the human mind is also amazing in its ability to heal. I think you are well on road to that, and I think it’s good that you are taking taking this trip. Use all the tools you have at your disposal to make it a good one…and write, write, write your way through.

You can do it! I believe in you! And like Susan said, email me if you need to. I’ll be around. I will be sending positive, healing thoughts your way.

You go, girl!

1. Stop thinking about all the trips when you felt anxious. It’s a form of rumination and will only make you feel more anxious.

2. One of the ways to do this is through breathing exercises. I know you know about meditation–even though you may not be doing it. But when you start feeling anxious, you need to stop the negative self-talk and concentrate on the breaths.

3. You need to realize that this is very different from your trips to England and your trips to visit your brother. While you may be feeling anxious tonight, as soon as you’re done reading this, try and get some rest.

If it were me, I would try to lie in bed and breathe slowly, concentrating on slowing down my thoughts. Although meditation suggests that you empty your mind, I would suggest that you think positively about this trip.

Say to yourself, “It will be a good trip because”…and come up with three to five reasons. It will be a good trip because I will meet my doctor for the first time and she has significantly helped me in my quest for illness. It will be a good trip because I am truly able to travel and a month ago I could barely get out of bed. It will be a good trip because healing in person is even better than healing on the telephone. It will be a good trip because I will let my mother care for me. It will be a good trip because I will spend time with my mom, whom I love. (Stuff like this.)

4. Just because you’ve been anxious on trips before doesn’t mean you need to repeat the behavior. If you allow your mother to drive, can you rest in the car? Do you have music you enjoy? Do you have relaxation CDs?

I’m not sure how far you have to travel, but if you’re driving reasonable distances, do you have accommodations where you plan on stopping? Can you swim in a pool to relax yourself? Can you decide to let your mother help you to her greatest ability? Can you equate care and help with love and feel blessed that your mother is there for you?

5. Gianna, I believe that we have the ability to eliminate or lessen the impact of the stressors in our lives. We have the ability to change patterns of behavior. We have the ability to eat foods that sustain us. We have the ability to accept help when we need it. We have the ability to grow and change.

You’ve made enormous strides since you’ve begun talking with this doctor. She can help you even more when you see her in person. This is an opportunity, not a punishment.

Your brother would be supportive of what you’re doing. He would want you and your mother to have a wonderful time together. What would your brother say to you? How can your memories of his love for you sustain you?

Know that I’m here for you during your trip. You can email me and I’ll respond. All my best!

Susan