Ego anonymous: a practice — I think of my “path” in many different ways. This is something I rewrote to work for me.
The 12 step program didn’t work out for me, but not because of the actual 12 steps which I found deeply inspiring. Unfortunately the people couldn’t deal with what I was up against. Just like most of society. In the world of 12 steps as a young woman I was “the constituionally incapable.” You know the people that even those in the 12 steps label as hopeless. Ha!
NEW POST — I coined the term “somatic imperative” a while back as my journey seems locked in by what my body needs. In surrender I watch and learn as my body does what it knows. The animal wisdom, seemingly divine in nature takes over and knows the nature of things. These injuries this body has had to heal are mindblowingly complex. They are interwoven into the body and clearly show that the body and mind are one. I had no choice by to listen to and respond to my body in meditation so that I might heal. Try as I might, no one in medicine or anywhere else had answers. I had become my own doctor and scientist. I researched continually and started to put both my experience and that which I learned in reading together.
“I know this may sound strange but so often what we are reacting to is not being able to tolerate what is happening in our own sensations, emotions and experiences. We react to get rid of the feeling, to push away the sensations, because they are associated with something intolerable, painful and uneasy.”
Part of the success of this website has been my willingness (and need) to speak things that many of my readers were thinking but not yet saying. As I’ve gotten deeper into my trauma release and healing I’ve backed away from this site in many regards and ventured into dark areas of the psyche which even many people who had followed me for a long time no longer wanted to partake in. I’ve continued to post difficult material much of which continues to be trauma release, both for myself and for those who also, like me have wandered far into the abyss, by necessity, for their healing. Most of the people I’ve had the privilege of helping on this site have a radically different history than I’ve had. This is rarely acknowledged or understood. Most of the people with histories like mine are totally and completely swallowed by psychiatry and lost forever. I don’t actually know anyone like me who has made it as far as I have off the drugs etc. It’s a tragedy that hurts me. And so…this site, in part, is trauma release in the internet age.
Eugene Gendlin was a student of Carl Rogers and probably the single most important influence in the development of what we now call “somatic” or body-oriented therapies (Reich of course as well as others but I’m talking about the contemporary form body oriented therapies take). As the trauma discussion gets more and more medical and… Continue Reading →
The below video about the times I’ve almost died was recorded four years ago today.
This sort of thing is still happening though I get better and better at moving the crud of detox (micro-organisms, metals and nanoparticals from pharma) out of my brain.
I’ve learned a lot more about what is actually happening in the last year. The tardive dyskinesia and systemic microbiome issues are becoming clear to me.
If you’re dealing with the trauma in your life and you’re denying racism you’re not really dealing with trauma. Trauma is inter-generational among other things. What white people did to black people in enslaving, murdering and raping them is still in the bodies of every ancestor.
That means the trauma of what we did to an entire population in this country is in the body if you’re black and it’s in the body if we’re descended from the white people who raped, murdered and enslaved the black folk who are still being harmed.
As white witnesses of white supremacist public policies it’s in every white person who has privilege. Yes, it’s in my body too. Own this shit and allow our beautiful black brothers and sisters to heal. Acknowledge that it’s still happening and get started. #BlackLivesMatter
I wrote about anger today when a friend posted elsewhere about how anger is being maligned so that people are marked as characterological defects…she posted something from Teal Swan…a young woman guru who really sticks her neck out… I said: our relationship with anger is gravely and dangerously messed up. It’s not really safe to… Continue Reading →
The voices are real. This post includes a collection of links to articles from Beyond Meds that deal explicitly with the experience of voice hearers. It also includes a documentary from the Hearing Voices Congress
To everyone who is not okay in isolation: it’s not your fault. Your nervous system is in overdrive and you’ve not learned how to manage it. This is a radical experience that many are not ready for. Stay online and connect. It’s better than nothing. We are communal beings meant to live with others. This… Continue Reading →
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